Book Twin #2

[inmyriadbits]

I keep having really interesting thoughts right before I fall asleep. It's very frustrating, because the only options are a) stay up until 7am (uh, not that I did that last night and the last two nights or anything *cough*) chasing down the idea or plot bunny, or b) wake up the next morning with just the tail end still there, like the idea was a bird-beleaguered gecko or something. (Um...I disavow knowledge of where the hell that metaphor came from. *kicks brain's shins under table*)

Anyway, the other day I was thinking about how much I liked books as a kid. See, I literally read all the freaking time. At school, I was way ahead of everyone else, so I'd finish my work in half the time and pull out my book to wait. I read during lunch and recess a lot, too, and spent loads of time in the library--not that I didn't have friends, I just liked reading that much. Katie and I were dubbed "The Book Twins" at one point in elementary school. Luckily, we weren't really picked on, because we kinda scared the guys who would've bullied us and didn't take crap from anyone. We would bring books to restaurants, on five-minute car trips. We read while walking.

But I'm wandering from the point, which is that all this reading sort of skewed the way I interact with people. I'm incredibly oversensitive about stuff like body language and tone of voice, which can sometimes be bad because most people don't consciously communicate that way. I blame all the times I read descriptions like "His eye twitched" or "She played nervously with the cuff of her sleeve and spoke with a quavering voice" or whatever. In books, those things mean a lot, because they're the only way an author can convey emotion without being saying "He was STRESSED" or "She was WORRIED" all the time, which is incredibly annoying. But in real life...come on. Do people usually pay close attention to eye twitches? I mean, sometimes people notice things, but most of the time we all gloss over the details, seeing what we want to see or picking cues up subconsciously. Or not at all, in the case of the more socially awkward (and I've known a lot of really awkward geeks in my time, trust me).

It causes problems for me expressing things to other people, too, because I think little things have a lot more weight than they really do, and I unfairly expect people to pick up on them. It's sort of like when you have a crush in middle school and are like "OMG, I was walking next to [crush object] and s/he BUMPED SHOULDERS WITH ME! THEY LIKE ME BACK!!!" and then find out two weeks later they've been dating someone else the whole time and it was all in your head? Like that, only with everyone. Things like touching someone, or the way I say something, or the way I smile are conscious decisions for me, almost all of the time. Maybe that's why I get exhausted spending a lot of time with people, if I don't know them terribly well, because I focus on how I'm being instead of just being. I really value friendships that get to a point where I can mostly turn off that part of my brain. I think about things way too much and I think about them all the time.

Does anyone else do this? Am I crazy, or just ridiculous?

Comments

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

I definitely do this too. I never related it to the books, but that's actually a really cool logic.

Huh. Now I have to, like, think about this.

Awesome.

[inmyriadbits.livejournal.com]

The way I figure, if books can warp our ideas about romance and friendship, why shouldn't they affect the way we read body language and such?

Of course, we could just be OCD or something. That's a distinct possibility. ;)

[spatz.livejournal.com]

"OMG, I was walking next to [crush object] and s/he BUMPED SHOULDERS WITH ME! THEY LIKE ME BACK!!!"

*snickers* So, so true. Ah, middle school, land of hormones and foolishness.

I don't worry about it that much, I think, but I do find myself over-smiling. And then I feel ridiculous, and wonder if it looks fake, and wonder if I can't tell because my muscles are all tired and not sending me proper information.

[spatz.livejournal.com]

I do try out faces that characters are making in the story I'm reading, sometimes. Like, raising an eyebrow or smirking or being shocked. No clue why, just something I do.

[inmyriadbits.livejournal.com]

Ha, I totally make faces, too! And sometimes act/read out lines... ;)