there will be a fish

I've had AUs on the brain (XMFC fandom is rife with them), so apparently the thing to do with that situation is to rec some of my favorite AUs. In alphabetical order by fandom:

1. The Art of Running & Fearless on My Breath (The Fast & The Furious, Brian/Dom)
Because what the world really needed was for someone to take a massively testosterone-infused fandom like this, and change one of the main characters into a woman. That's right, people -- this is Brian genderswap (of the always-been-a-girl variety), and it's really good. Brian is totally crazy in the exact same way, but then also crazy in some other new and fun ways, but it's all excellent. I think what I love best about this is that the author preserves their friendship and mutual respect from the movies; Dom doesn't treat Brian like a girl, he treats Brian like a person. IDK, it's genderswap fic! They drive really fast cars while being attractive! It's great! The sequel (Fearless on My Breath) then takes on the second movie, and it's kind of better this way.

2. Sixteen Days In September (Generation Kill, Brad/Nate)
This is an amazing story. Fair warning: it's a really intense war story, so there's violence of many kinds and very heavy subject matter. That said, don't be scared off! I can't imagine there's someone out there who hasn't read this yet, since it was recced to high heaven, but it's one of those stories that deserves every scrap of praise it gets. This is a point-of-departure AU: instead of joining the Marines, Nate joins the Peace Corps, and is sent to East Timor...and then a civil war starts up, and Nate, of course, does whatever he can to look out for people and do the right thing, but his pragmatic idealism takes a real beating from the war. A lot of the rest of the ensemble show up (as Marines still; actually, RL Nate went to East Timor as part of the peacekeeping force when he was a Marine), and everyone is just perfectly characterized. The Brad/Nate is a delicious slow burn that I love to pieces. Seriously, I cannot recommend this highly enough.

3. Play It Again, Jeeves (Jeeves & Wooster, gen-ish Bertie/Jeeves)
And now for a 180-degree tonal shift! The last was epic and very serious; this is short and completely ridiculous. The author did it on a request for "cracky retelling of Casablanca with Jeeves and Bertie." It's a very brief little piece (set in the last scene of the movie, so DON'T READ IT if you haven't seen the film, if you care about spoilers), but it makes me just die with laughter. Imagine recasting Rick with Bertie and Captain Renault with Jeeves, and then shifting the tone of the whole thing way into the Wodehouse range of things, and there you are. And by "there" I mean "laughing your ass off." Hee.

4. Next of Kin (The Losers, gen-ish)
This author writes the best damn Jensen in The Losers fandom, hands-down. If you like Jensen -- and who doesn't? -- you should read everything else she's ever written, basically. Anyway, this AU is also a point-change: Jensen never joins the Losers...and then Max gets his hands on his niece and sister and blackmails Jensen into working for him as his pet hacker. So Jensen is left to do an impossible task with his family's life on the line, and he has no backup. And then the Losers hear about Max's computer expert and decide a little bad guy kidnapping is in order, not realizing that Jensen's about as not-bad as you can get.... ♥ I've re-read this many many times, and it continues to delight me.

5. Apotheosis (Sherlock, gen-ish John/Sherlock)
AWESOME AU IS AWESOME. This is an inversion of "The Empty House" (the ACD short story wherein Holmes was revived after supposedly dying at Reichenbach Falls) setup -- after the confrontation with Moriarty at the pool, instead of Sherlock going after Moriarty alone for three years, John does. Long, plotty, full of pining, and lots of badass John! Truly excellent, and really creative in certain ways that I refuse to spoil for you.

Anyway, that's it. Enjoy!

(This is still not my Dear Yuletide Author letter, like it should be. Oops? /Rick Perry)

I've had some fics I've been wanting to rec just hanging around for a while. Here goes:

1. Close To Home (DCU, Tim/Kon)
I feel like I must've recced this one before, but perhaps not. It's one of my favorite Tim/Kon pieces out there, and I have a huge soft spot for the pairing as it is. Basically, Kon ends up investigating the murder of a gay boy who went to his high school, and ends up tackling all the hate-crime issues and casual small town homophobia that goes along with it. Tim helps, being infinitely better at murder mystery stuff than Kon is. This makes it all sound much more serious than it is; Tim and Kon are the older and more mature versions you see around now, it's true, but it's not a downer by any means. There's plot and intrigue and a lot of Kon trying to figure out who is and Tim being slightly crazy and Bat-like, and generally is just a fun read all around. I ♥ this fic.

2. No Yesterdays on the Road (XM:FC, Charles/Erik)
This is probably my favorite XMFC fic that I've read so far. The basic idea: slightly AU from the beach divorce, where Erik still kills Shaw but the rest of the mess doesn't go down (with the subtle departure point of Erik simply not putting the helmet on, which lets Charles speak to him more directly. Kind of a cool alteration.) Anyway, they're working on the new school when Charles gets kidnapped, and Erik has to team up with Moira to find him. This story's characterization of Erik is brilliantly spot-on, and believably vulnerable in a way I think most authors ignore in favor of his harder edges. The plot is terribly fun and roadtrip-y, Moira gets to shine and snark and be competent in a way she wasn't given space to in the movie, and the interactions are just a joy. There is also a good deal of pining going on on Erik's part, which is one of my favorite things in the world. All in all, a wonderful read.

3. Telephone (Captain America/Avengers movieverse, gen-ish)
I almost skipped this one because I'm not the biggest Thor/Loki fan, and this was marked as such. I'm not sure why, though; any subtextual interpretation is on the reader's part, because this was as gen as the movies. More gen, even, because there's any any het going on here either. ANYWAY, I'm glad I did read this, because the Steve voice here is SO GOOD, and the story as a whole is hilarious and surprisingly touching and really just adorable. I really recommend this to anyone who loved Steve Rogers in the Captain America movie. Or maybe just anyone who finds the idea of Loki texting Steve Rogers out of boredom as hysterical as I do. :D

4. Pants on Fire (Inception, Arthur/Eames)
This was such a fun use of the amnesia trope. Helenish did her usual magic here in taking a strange concept and making it really work, and her Eames and Arthur characterizations were excellent. I feel reluctant to try to explain the plot; it's a lot more effective to just let it unfold, so I'm going to send you in blind. Cheers!

5. Captain America's Art Crawl Adventure (The Middleman/Captain America crossover, gen)
I love musesfool SO MUCH for writing this, I can't even tell you guys. I mean, she not only wrote a story featuring Art Crawl (o/!), but she added Steve Rogers to the mix as well. SO MUCH LOVE. This is hilarious, and I fell in love with Wendy Watson's fabulous ass-kickery and wacky art-related shenanigans all over again. (And Noser, and Lacey, and the Middleman, and of course Steve. SO MUCH LOVE, did I mention?)

6. Nerds of the Earth, take note! (Leverage/Iron Man crossover, gen)
Everyone loves Alec Hardison, am I right? I mean, he's the nerd of all our hearts (talks Doctor Who AND takes down evil doers with his geekery!), and he is a damn good-looking man. *SWOON* Anyway, my point is, this fic is all about putting Alec Hardison in the same room with Tony Stark, who is also a really hot geek, and having them work together to save the world in typical geek fashion while snarking at each other. It's wonderful, and hilarious, and even a little heart-breaking. Two thumbs up!

7. Dr. Sandburg Finds a Sentinel (The Sentinel/Stargate: SG-1 crossover, gen)
And by "gen," I mean "as gen as TS ever was," which really means "rife with subtext." Anyway, Blair is working at the SGC as one of their geeks, which is a brilliant job for him, and Jim gets caught up with a bunch of NID/rogue CIA/Chinese spies shenanigans (as you do), and the rest is history, explosions, and wackiness. I enjoyed the hell out of this story.

8. make your wars (XM:FC, Charles/Erik pre-slash)
This is a quiet little modern, no-powers AU that I really liked. I've not been overly impressed with those, but this one really caught me. Charles is a shrink, Erik's a war vet with a bunch of PTSD issues, and Erik would really like to be annoyed by Charles but can't quite manage it. It's just lovely and low-key, and I really liked it. There's a sequel as well, linked at the bottom of this post.

9. Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc (Sherlock/The Addams Family crossover/fusion, eventual Sherlock/John)
This is the first of three stories in a dark little Sherlock AU that duia recced to me -- it's a strange concept (John Watson is actually an Addams, on his mother's side), but the author really makes it work for the characters and the world. Fair warning, it can be pretty violently visceral and graphic in places, so that might turn some people off the story, but it digs into the creepier side of Sherlock in a way that I found fascinating.

10. You do know you're completely mad, don't you? (Sherlock, gen)
The meme prompt for this story was: When John says to Mike "who would want me for a flatmate?" Mike doesn't ask "what do you mean by that?" He also doesn't say "oh, what'd be wrong with you as a flatmate?" He just accepts that John would be a difficult person to find a flat for and moves on to Sherlock. Given that Mike knows at least a little of how odd Sherlock is and yet suggests Watson as a good match, does this imply that John has some weird habits of his own, without regard to his experiences in Afghanistan?

Which means the story itself is all about John's wacky shenanigans at university -- in John's usual unassuming yet awesome style. It's told from Stamford's POV, and is on the whole warm, affectionate, and very funny. I love the idea that John Watson is the most normal weird dude on the face of the planet, which is why he and Sherlock get along like gangbusters, and everyone else is totally fooled by the tea-drinking and ugly jumpers. ♥

For some reason, at one point I seem to have amassed a bunch of links related to the Victorian Era and/or Sherlock Holmes. Let me now post them in one big chunk. You're welcome.

1. Merlin fic rec: Drawn To Any Good (Merlin/Arthur)
This story is actually somewhat ridiculously romantic. I would call it over-the-top, if not for the fact that it actually works for me for once, because it totally matches the Victorian sensibilities the POV character (Arthur) would have. It's also set very early in the Victorian Era (one line refers to the "new queen"; Victoria was crowned in 1837), so there are touches of Regency romance in there as well -- best of both worlds! There is courting, okay. And wooing, and waltzing, and flowers, and writing letters. It's incredibly endearing and I very much enjoyed it. I was a bit uncertain about it at first, because I find that most fic where a mutual declaration comes early (as it quickly is clear that it will in this one) rapidly devolve into rambling pointlessness without the trusty romantic plot to fall back on, but this one manages to avoid that pitfall. I may be a somewhat biased, though, as there is an entire chapter comprised only of letters, and I am the world's biggest sucker for epistolary romance. The salutations alone were enough to win me over. :D

2. Poetry about Sherlock Holmes: 221B, by Vincent Starrett. It is always 1895. ♥

3. It is hard to read Sherlock Holmes (or watch Sherlock) without running into a London cab or fourteen, whether the modern version or the kind featuring horsepower in the literal sense. Reading on their history, and on The Knowledge (the incredibly rigorous tests that London cabbies have had to pass ever since 1851, to prove they know London streets inside and out, something which I find fascinating as an American and former New Yorker):
- BBC article "The History of the London Black Taxi Trade"
- article on The Knowledge
- PBS article
- Wikipedia article
- Official PDF for The Knowledge applicants
- Excerpt from book on Victorian and Edwardian horse cabs
- List of principles of policing held by various commissioners of the Metropolitan Police (including Sir Richard Mayne, who instituted The Knowledge, and thus tangentially relevant)
- A Handy Book of the Law of London Cabs and Omnibuses from 1867. Thank you, Google Books. :)

4. The Language of Flowers, sortable by flower or by meaning. I've mostly heard about this Victorian practice in context of the romantic meanings, like red roses mean "I love you". I find the platonic ones much more interesting – like "ambition of a scholar" (hollyhock) or "I mourn your absence" (zinnia; I would be lying if I said this didn't make me think of Holmes and Watson during the Great Hiatus). It's loads of fun in the same way that astrology is fun. The site is additionally interesting for the way it uses several different Victorian-era sources and shows the slight changes in meanings over time.

5. Poverty Map of London, 1898-99. This map is so cool. It depicts color-coded levels of poverty in different areas of London just before the turn of the century. *nerds*

6. A Study In Motherfucking Scarlet. AHAHAHAHA. katieupsidedown linked me to this ages ago, and I practically busted a rib laughing. It basically takes Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's A Study In Scarlet and paraphrases/modernizes it. Plus vigorous cursing. And acknowledgment of how much of a motherfucking badass John Watson is (I concur!). And completely overturning the politeness of the Victorian prose/subtext in favor of contemporary bluntness. Plus art. I giggle madly. :D

7. Not a link, but...I wonder sometimes about 221*A* Baker Street. I mean, who the hell lives there? What do they think of Holmes and Watson? Do they get people mistakenly knocking at their door all the time, making them wonder why the heck is up with the weirdos in London? Are they friends with Mrs. Hudson? Anyway. I'm just curious.

Meme from all over: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

( one meeeeeeeeellion WIPs *pinky finger* )

I'm going to borrow Resonant's modification -- feel free to ask me for a line from any of these you're curious about! In fact, feel free to ask for several. I'm not stingy. :)

EXCITING HAPPENINGS OF THE PAST THREE WEEKS:

Okay, so that's misleading. But here's what I've been watching, fannishly speaking:

1. Seasons 2, 3, and 4 of Ugly Betty
2. The delicious mindfuck of Inception
3. Trying to hook my family on Mad Men
4. Banlieue 13 (aka District B13) and its sequel!
5. BBC's Sherlock miniseries

Thoughts (no spoilers, just cut for length/interest):

- Ugly Betty, ( I don't know why I ever quit you! )

- Oh, Inception. How so brilliant?

- Mad Men + martinis + live swing music last Monday = Lindsey is a very happy, thematically appropriate camper. ( swing dancing and adorable old people, yay! )

- Sherlock is a completely awesome modern adaptation of Sherlock Holmes. I didn't think you could translate them quite so well out of the Victoriana, but it turns out you CAN, and this Watson and Holmes are ( most excellent. )

- Last but not least, those of you who have never seen or heard of Banlieue 13 or its sequel, you really don't know what you're missing. I was idly looking for something to watch when I read etben's recent pimp post, and I am SO GLAD THAT I DID. The premise is a bit silly/contrived, and the plots are all kinds of ridiculous, but they're terribly fun anyway, and the two main characters are awesome and hit a lot of my personal buttons.

One of them, Leïto, is played by David Belle, one of the founders of parkour, who did his own stunts. He's one of those athletic, graceful people who are sheer fascinating joy to see in motion on film – like Douglas Fairbanks or Bruce Lee or Fred Astaire. I think it's beautiful, in a very unironic way. Watch even the first thirty seconds of this video, tell me you're not impressed, and I will eat ALL of my hats. Honestly. The man makes things like "climbing into the front seat of a van" into effortlessly beautiful spectacles of grace and hotness, okay; the movie is worth watching just for that.

But it's not all that's worth watching for! Leïto is ( sort of like a French, dystopian-future Aladdin. ) Leïto also appears to be highly allergic to shirts. This is a-okay with me, since David Belle has a fantastic body (see: everything he can do in previously-linked video, hell-o NURSE is he fit):

( shirtless pictures ahoy! you know you wanna )

Instead of a spirited young Arabian princess, B13 gives Leïto some insanely good buddy-cop slashiness with Damien, our other protagonist. He's an incorruptible, highly competent Parisian cop who Believes In The Law and Helps The Citizenry and Is Very Earnest and Unironically Quotes The National Motto of France. Bless him. Damien ( goes undercover a lot and is totally badass ). And then he meets Leïto, and they are even more fun together than they are separately, with the banter and the mocking and the intense sociopolitical arguments with their faces held inches apart and the joint ass-kicking. They're both smart and capable and quick on their feet, and that makes for a great time.

So what I'm saying is, you should all see these movies! There's awesome fight sequences! Parkour through Paris! Manly eye candy! Dystopian future setting! Idealism! Buddy-cop-like saving of the day! Breaking people out of prison! Handcuffing each other to things! Hugging! Fighting back-to-back! Crossdressing! (no, really)

Seriously, just watch them. The first is on Netflix instant viewing, if you have it (and I'm willing to lend out my account if you don't, plus *cough* help you find the second if you like).

*cough* Okay, enough of that. /pimp

We went to a Hitchcock serial killer double feature tonight (Frenzy and Psycho). I found myself thinking of this Sherlock Holmes quote a lot during Psycho. Also, weirdly enough, during the old trailer for Alien they played, because the "In space, no one can hear you scream" tagline is rather bizarrely appropriate:

By eleven o'clock the next day we were well upon our way to the old English capital. Holmes had been buried in the morning papers all the way down, but after we had passed the Hampshire border he threw them down and began to admire the scenery. It was an ideal spring day, a light blue sky, flecked with little fleecy white clouds drifting across from west to east. The sun was shining very brightly, and yet there was an exhilarating nip in the air, which set an edge to a man's energy. All over the countryside, away to the rolling hills around Aldershot, the little red and grey roofs of the farm-steadings peeped out from amid the light green of the new foliage.

"Are they not fresh and beautiful?" I cried with all the enthusiasm of a man fresh from the fogs of Baker Street.

But Holmes shook his head gravely.

"Do you know, Watson," said he, "that it is one of the curses of a mind with a turn like mine that I must look at everything with reference to my own special subject. You look at these scattered houses, and you are impressed by their beauty. I look at them, and the only thought which comes to me is a feeling of their isolation and of the impunity with which crime may be committed there."

"Good heavens!" I cried. "Who would associate crime with these dear old homesteads?"

"They always fill me with a certain horror. It is my belief, Watson, founded upon my experience, that the lowest and vilest alleys in London do not present a more dreadful record of sin than does the smiling and beautiful countryside."

"You horrify me!"

"But the reason is very obvious. The pressure of public opinion can do in the town what the law cannot accomplish. There is no lane so vile that the scream of a tortured child, or the thud of a drunkard's blow, does not beget sympathy and indignation among the neighbours, and then the whole machinery of justice is ever so close that a word of complaint can set it going, and there is but a step between the crime and the dock. But look at these lonely houses, each in its own fields, filled for the most part with poor ignorant folk who know little of the law. Think of the deeds of hellish cruelty, the hidden wickedness which may go on, year in, year out, in such places, and none the wiser. Had this lady who appeals to us for help gone to live in Winchester, I should never have had a fear for her. It is the five miles of country which makes the danger."

— The Adventure of the Copper Beeches

Doyle could really bring the creepy when he wanted, huh? I remember it quite caught my attention. It's such an interesting inversion of the usual way people view crime in cities vs. suburban/rural areas – basically, that cities are wretched hives of scum and villainy, and the countryside is peaceful and quaint and polite. I prefer Holmes' view; human nature is human nature, good and bad, wherever you are, which means human crime doesn't go away when you add more trees. ( this became a much longer piece of meta; I went into this just planning to post the quote, but my brain just won't shut up... )

Comments and debate welcome! It's so boring to be completely agreed with, don't you think? ;)

SIX NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Lindsey
2. Linds
3. Katie (thespatz's name)
4. L-Dawg (infrequently used by my no-longer-a-friend David)
5. My sister Emma came up with a nickname for me after a conversation about how hard/unlikely it is to nickname someone named Lindsey (see the truly inspired samples above). I cannot remember it right now for the life of me, but I answer to it. ETA: Ha. Remembered! Although apparently it was my uncle, not my sister, who dubbed me "Killer."
6. boo, pumpkin, sugarbear, etc (my mom)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. A very very comfortable sleeveless tie-dyed vintage dress
2. Um...red toenail polish.
3. A smile? :D?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT VERY BADLY AT THE MOMENT
1. Not to have the attention span of a gnat
2. FOOOOOOD. I am weirdly craving Kerbey's delicious sausage. Mmm, sausage... but I have to wait for dinner instead.
3. A fairy godmother to swoop down and magically grant me an all-expenses-paid trip to a tropical beach. *waits*

THREE PEOPLE WHOM YOU HOPE WILL DO THE MEME
1. My twin
2. Neil Gaiman
3. The Dalai Lama

THREE THINGS YOU DID LAST NIGHT
1. Drank lots of margaritas and killed lots of brain cells (see attention span of a gnat)
2. Watched tonight's episode of Bones through the magic of time travel! the internet and Canada.
3. Read Throne of Jade by Naomi Novik until about 5 in the morning.

THREE PEOPLE YOU LAST TALKED TO ON THE PHONE:
1. I just called my sisters (ersatzemma and thespatz) to ask her about the nickname thing, but both went to voicemail. :(
2. According to my phone, my granny.
3. My mom

THREE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO DO TOMORROW:
1. Drive to Houston with Mom to visit Grandma
2. Try to work on my screenplay in the car. (In reality, I will probably end up reading, listening to music, and staring out the window when not driving.)
3. Hang out awkwardly with my grandma

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. Margaritas! ...although perhaps not at the moment.
2. Apricot nectar
3. Sweet tea

THREE THINGS THAT MADE YOU SMILE TODAY:
1. Discovering that Google Books, in addition to often allowing you to read the full text of books, has the COOLEST little widget on the book overview pages: it lists and maps all the places mentioned in the book! For example: A Study In Scarlet. Isn't that awesome?
2. Lying out in the sunshine topless. (The not-very-many-clothes thing is kind of a theme today.)
3. Reading "The Adventure of the Six Napoleons" aloud with Katie over breakfast. The opening conversation between Holmes, Watson, and Lestrade has some nice moments of genial snarkiness. :)

Meme yoinked from this lovely Middleman fic:

The iPod Challenge: Put your MP3 player on shuffle and write a flashfic (I refuse to call these drabbles; I am a term purist!) about each of the first ten songs to come up. The catch? You only have the duration of the song to write it in.

I haven't really looked at these since I wrote them at 5am, so hopefully they're not terrible. I also cheated on the rules for a few of them (you will likely be able to tell which, because they are significantly longer).

Also, I have no idea where the serial killer one came from. I kept trying to figure out who the character was, but I don't think she's anybody I've met before. Whoops, accidental original!fic?

1. ( Fringe )

2. ( Generation Kill )

3. ( not sure; any female lead + serial killer, I suppose )

4. ( Supernatural )

5. ( The Pretender )

6. ( Sherlock Holmes )

7. ( Primeval )

8. ( Sports Night )

9. ( Middleman )

10. ( Magnificent Seven )

It's really easy for me to judge my own focus level, sometimes. I generally end up cleaning my room, which is some kind of subconscious acknowledgement of the non-focus and an attempt to streamline distractions. It works out pretty well, because cleaning is one of those things where you kinda pick at different parts of the problem until the whole thing gradually progresses. So it's not as much a problem when I'm folding clothes and then suddenly decide I need to open the window and then wander into the other room to get the vacuum and then end up straightening a stack of books instead...you get the idea.

(I also go on long tangents. In case that wasn't evident.)

Anyway. I currently have about 40 tabs open. About 10 of these are Life-inspired (research on solitary confinement in US prisons, etc); a half-dozen about Dorothy Sayers (I'm in the middle of writing a post on her essay on feminism from 1938, which is brilliant); another half-dozen plus that are something to do with Sherlock Holmes and/or Victorian England; and the rest about film stuff. And I keep flitting between tabs, so they're all about halfway-read/dealt with, so I just keep opening more tabs and not closing any that are already up.

I'm sure this is as interesting to everyone else as it is to me...

[Poll #1543035]

Katie was bored at her job the other night, so I ended up making her fic-text with me.

I blame the following on my current obsession with Sherlock Holmes, and the fact that I was rewatching The Middleman episodes while texting. :D?

( a transcript, for your entertainment )